Goodbye Kellie

Pickler got picked on Idol last night. This should come as no surprise to anyone as she has been screwing things up for a couple weeks now. It still escapes me as to how that Jay Leno look-a-like, no talent, silver-haired, spastic Taylor Hicks is still here. Pickler could at least sing. You just never can tell about America. Case in point, just look at the 59 million, ur, people, who voted for the current White House Idiot. Anyhow, thats another post. I picked Kat McPhee to win on her first audition, and while I'm sticking by that pick, Chris Daughtry is NO DOUBT a budding superstar. I might also mention that I picked Carrie Underwood and Fantasia to win from the git-go. That would make me 2 for 2, or a perfect score, in the 3 Idols I've watched, with the 3rd. one still to be decided. I managed to avoid the first two Idols. And yes, I am bragging.LOL. Anyhow, I'll miss Kellie. She was just a cute little thing, don't you think??

R.I.P. Mushrooms

The legendary Mushrooms over at Plaidtoaster.com have passed on. I was informed of this when my daughter frantically left a post (see below). To quote her "Dadddd, my mushrooms shriveled up and died!!!!! whaaaa...". Now I tried to tell her that you have to keep fresh batteries in these mushrooms, or they will pass very quickly. There my be a solution, however. I am going to phone Melanie later to let her know about a new fertilizer product on the market. She needs to make a visit to the local nursery(plant nursery that is) and ask them if it's in yet. It's called Miracle-Growiagra. This amazing product was developed by a whoreticulturalist who's area of expertise is in the revival of the very mushroom Melanie is having problems with. Because she withheld battery support from her mushrooms, her only solution is to administer this little blue fertilizer pill to her mushrooms and within one hour they should all be UP and running properly. As with all mushrooms, proper maintenance is necessary. She can no longer just sit idly by and watch her mushrooms shrivel and shrink away. Mushrooms of this species demand DAILY attention. She can no longer use the "I've Got A Headache" or the 'I'm Too Tired' excuse as reason to ignore her mushrooms. Proper care and attention is needed. Given these needs, these mushrooms will continue to thrive and pop up anytime she needs them too...

Internet Rumour

For everybodys information, there is NO truth to the story going around the internet that Melanie has been elected President of the "Desperate Housewifes Mushroom Growing Commitee".

Mushroom Top 10 List

Top Ten reasons Melanie should install batteries in her mushrooms---

#10 - Show & Tell at school will never be the same.

#9 - Will get 6 figure deal with Duracell.

#8 - Have fun watching 70 year old grandma that lives next door
prowl around on your deck at midnight.

#7 - It would explain why the Energizer Bunny hops up & down...

#6 - If Mark was away, the mushrooms would play.

#5 - Hallucinegenic, erotic, same old mushroom.

#4 - Red 1 & 2 asking endless questions about yellow 3, 4 and 5.

#3 - Neighborhood teen-age girls develop sudden interest in sleepovers at your house.

#2 - Anybody know what kind of condoms these things take??

And the Number One reason Melanie should install batteries in her mushrooms..

#1 - Coeur d'Alene Barbie has Melanie on speed dial............

Penis Plant

I'll save you the trouble of going over to see Mel's latest creation. Here it is...

Celebrity Sighting

First of all, I must excuse my daughter, Melanie, over at Plaid Toaster, for not knowing who Adam Morrison is. Mel is a very busy, hardworking, mother of 5, with a husband, AND is now working on her 2nd. college degree. In addition, she now has the responsibility of caring for a large group of yellow penis' , well she calls them mushrooms, plants or something, that have "sprung up"---get it? (see this at plaidtoaster.com) in her plants. I have NO idea what she intends to do with them, and, as her father, I'm afraid to ask. Back to Adam Morrison. Adam Morrison played college basketball for the Gonzaga Bulldogs and just recently declared for the NBA draft, where he quite possibly will be the #1 pick. He led the nation in scoring, and has acheived rock star status in the nation and especially here in Spokane. I can vouch for this as I got to meet him last night, and this soon-to-be millionaire was turning heads in every direction. After shaking his hand and both of us commenting that we drank the same brand of beer, I was forced to give way to the throng of people surrounding him. Security was finally forced to move him to the VIP section, where he watched the concert and waved to the fans with relative safety. He seemed to this writer to be a very nice person. In what was a pleasent coincidence, my son and I had just seen Adam's parents at the local Costco earlier that afternoon. We were all at the Big Easy concert house to see the Led Zeppelin tribute band, No Quarter, and I came away very impressed with what I heard. This is a highly talented band that left no doubt in their ability to recreate this music. I was fortunate to have seen Led Zeppelin in the 70's, and this band has nothing to be ashamed of. If you are a fan of Zep, you no doubt would enjoy this show. That is, if you don't have some Broke-Back Cowboy fuck standing in front of you with a big cowboy hat on. I made eye contact with his buddy, looked at this idiot's hat, and the buddy motioned for him to take it off. To his credit, he did. What does he do as soon as he removes it?? He reaches over and takes off his buddy's baseball cap and puts it on his own head. He acted like he was forced to remove his pants and was looking to steal another pair to put on. They soon moved on down where I noticed he had put the cowboy hat back on and was in the process of irritating other people. While I'm at it, and I'm almost done here, what in the hell is a Toby Keith t-shirt wearing cowboy asshole like this doing at a Led Zeppelin tribute show?? In spite of this hillbilly, it was a very enjoyable evening, made all the more pleasent by the celebrity sighting. I just pray that my sweet little daughter isn't searching the internet for instructions on how to install batteries into a ,um, mushroom.....

Go Adam!!!

A quick note to let everyone know I just got home from the local concert house where I drank beer with Adam Morrison. I give you all the details tomorrow.

Introducing----- ** Spike **

This beautiful little guy decided to adopt us yesterday. He rescued us as he was on his way to the local pet store to be put up for adoption. It turns out he is the son of our seldom seen 3rd. cat, Walter. Walter is the local alley cat that only shows himself in the middle of the night when he awakens everybody to announce his feeding. He then leaves to again arrive a few days later, when we all repeat this ritual. **Spike** gets his name after the mascot for the Gonzaga University Bulldogs, our local university. As you can see, he is as about as cute as he can be, he even has this 54 year old man reduced to, well,
I know a cute damn cat when I see one, Ok?

We Miss You , Kong

Our family kitty, Kong, has been missing for a week now. We have searched the neighborhood, printed flyers, and visited animal control several times to no avail. We pray for his safe return, and hope that wherever he is at that he is safe and happy.

"The Continuning Adventures of Tripod Man"

*****Disclaimer*****
To all my male friends---Tripod Man is a fictional person. Please do not call or e-mail me. Especially if your medication is not working.

Mr. Tripod Man called me this morning with his latest "Problem". In yesterdays mail, he received a certain medical product shipped to him in a plain, unmarked envelope. He examined it's contents, went to his bathroon cabinet, and dutifully stored it away until he needed it. After watching some TV, he retired to bed for a good nights sleep. Sometime in the wee hours of morning, he awoke with a terrible migrane headache, and sleepily headed to the bathroom for some Tylenol. As you might guess, this is where his "Problem" began. His first head problem never went away, but instead another head problem developed. He called me to see if I could come over to help him as he was unable to roll out of bed. Not knowing what his problem was, I asked him if his back was out or something. He said no, that he awoke during the night with a bad headache, and since about an hour after that he has been unable to roll out of bed. After a few more quick questions, I analyzed his problem and asked him how long this has been going on. He replied 'At least 4 hours'. I then pointed out that on his sleepy, middle of the night trip to the bathroom, he had injested the wrong head pill. I then suggested that if this so-called problem had now lasted 4 hours, he should call the New York Times with this information, and then make arrangments to have his lower head bronzed, because he didn't really have a 'problem'. He then complained that he still had a problem, despite my ongoing laughter, that he really couldn't get out of bed, and that he REALLY needed help. I told him there was NO_WAY_IN_HELL i was going to assist him with this 'problem' and that maybe he should call one of his ex-wifes to assist him. I phoned him later this morning and all 4 of them were there.........

"" E-Mails ""

An old friend (he's an internet newbie) called me the other day and asked if I knew why he keeps getting e-mails addressing the size and function of a certain body part. There was NO way in hell I was going to let this opportunity pass without having a whole lotta fun so I innocently asked him why he had been surfing around the "Teeny Weenie Peenie" websites. He proudly claimed he did not go to these sites, nor did he need their offered services. Yeah right, I snickered into the phone. You can become "Tripod Man" anytime you want, can't you. For some reason, he didn't find this the least bit funny. I told him he had nothing to be ashamed of that a lot of men experienced these problems, and that some were treatable. He wasn't getting pissed yet, so I continued. I asked him if he had been to one of those dating websites such as "Friendfinders.com". That is the site where our local firefighters go to find stationhouse dates with teenaged girls (True story) . He finally admitted that he had indeed visited one of these sites, as a matter of fact, it was that exact site. Silently laughing my ass off, I asked him what he had found. He said he had discovered lots of lonely women in our area, and he had registered with the site and in the process had given them his e-mail address. Instantly seeing why he was getting those e-mails, I still couldn't resist myself. I told him that when he filled out the enrollment questioneer, he was supposed to skip the medical part and not tell them he had erectile disfunction. Now I have no idea how those sites work, but I threw that out there to see what he would say. I told him that none of those woman would contact him if the downstairs plumbing was clogged up. He's getting irrittated now, I can tell. Other then the fact that he had no downstairs, what the hell was I talking about?? I told him that if he had no downstairs, that would explain why he has been divorced 4 times. That was tooo much for him, I guess. He went off. I told him to calm down, I was just messin' with him. I explained to him what all of us already know, that most internet sites will sell your e-mail address to anybody that will buy them and that is why he was getting those e-mails. He breathed a sigh of relief, and said he wished I hadn't chosen him to be the latest in my growing list of victims. We both laughed and before hanging up he asked me if I knew if 12.00 for dose of Viagra was a good deal....

*** My Youngest Angel ***

" David Letterman "

Happy 59th. Birthday props go out this morning to David Letterman, the late night talk show host. I add this last part for those of you who might not know who David Letterman is (big wink to Mel). Or, as his 2 year old son Harry calls him---Grandpa.........

Happy Birthday

Happy 19th. Birthday to Joss Stone!!!
I can't believe she's 19 already....

"The Experience Music Project"

This is a Rock n' Roll museum is Seattle, Washington. For those of you who don't know me personally, I am a HUGE music fan. and a HUGE fan of Rock n' Roll. Especially Classic Rock. This museum is a brainchild of Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen. He is a lifelong fan of Jimi Hendrix, as am I. I was completely dumbfounded when I walked through the doors. I was drooling like George Bush would be if he found out you could actually buy a brain. They have a full room dedicated to Jimi Hendrix and a full room dedicated to Bob Dylan as well. In the Hendrix room, they have what I would believe to be the holy grail of rock memorabilia, the guitar Jimi played at Woodstock. I cannot think of any other piece of memorabilia that would command the attention this piece does.
The Woodstock concert defined my generation, and Jimi's performance defined that concert. The exhibit includes handwritten lyrics from Jimi, as well as childhood art he did for his Mom and Dad. He was an accomplished media artist as well as music artist. The Dylan exhibit is equally impressive. The Seattle grunge scene is well represented, as well as earlier Seattle artists including Heart and others. I highly recommend this to ANY music lover. It is well worth the admission price (20 dollars). In my next post, I will explore further what is wrong with this exhibit (not much).........

"The Seattle Blitz"

My youngest son, Eric, and I got the hare-brained idea we would go to Everett, meet up with his Mom and sister who were already over there visiting relatives for spring break, and go to Seattle to see a Mariners baseball game. Everett is 310 miles across Washington State from Spokane where we live, but we've did it before, and we did have 2 days. This was before we decided to do EVERYTHING we could while we where there. We drove 779 miles total, saw the Mariners game, went to the Experience Music Project, went to Pike Place Market, went up the Space Needle, spent a sleep-deprived night in the worst flea-bag motel you can imagine, had a wonderful meal in a REALLY good (and expensive) restaurant (thank you Matt, for picking up that bill) went to the waterfront, drove all over Seattle and laughed at the freaks (no shortage of them) dropped the wife and daughter back at the relatives house in Everett and drove home. Total elapsed time, drum-roll please--- 44 1/2 hours. To say I wasn't worth a shit the next day would be the UNDERSTATEMENT of the year. More later...

"The Chris Curse'

There's a running joke around our house called the "Chris Curse". This all started with us going to Seattle Mariners baseball games with and without my son Chris. Everytime we've taken Chris along, the Mariners have lost. This goes back so many years I don't think Chris has ever seen them win. This streak even continued into the season where the Mariners won 116 games. We saw them play in Oakland (twice) and they lost both games. Keep in mind they only lost 46 times that season. Well, we attended last Wednesday's game against the L.A. Angels and lo and behold, the Mariners won the game. I am sure this only happened because Chris wasn't there. I personally wanted to call him and thank him for NOT coming, but his step-mom would have NONE of that. I also believe that if ALL the opposing teams the Mariners play hired Chris to attend the games, the Mariners would have a season record of 0-162. This wouldn't be much of a slide, because the Mariners have lost almost 100 games in each of the last 2 seasons. All this probably doesn't make much difference to Chris anyway, because I think he'd rather sit in the Pyramid Brewery that's next to Safeco Field and drink micro-brews instead of going to the game anyway. Which, now that I think about it, makes more sense to me then paying 8.00 for the warm, watered down, 10 ounce cup of light beer they peddle in the stadium...............