I felt all goofy Wednesday night so I decided I had better go to the emergency room (my dear wife actually decided this for me). They wound up telling me I had had a mini-stroke. So if you're sitting there and start seeing double, slurring your speech, don't have any idea what the hell is going on, you got yourself a mini-stroke goin' on and you better get on down to your neighborhood get well center and give 'em some money to fix ya up. This is what I did. I soon figured out that this was probably my second mini-stork as I had experienced the same thing last week but in a milder form. Being the maucho man I am, I blew it off and figured it would pass and it did. Excuse me for a minute while I knock the shit outta myself for being a dumbass!@#$%^&**&^%$#). Thanks, I needed that.
Evidently, storks , I mean strokes, come in many forms. I was fortunate enough to experience the quick, get yourself to the hospital kind, instead of the "Your Fucked For Blowing Off The Mini-Stroke Warning Attack" we sent you last week. Alright, I can take a hint. But in a word to the man upstairs- I appreciate the warning. I really do. But I have a LONG list of warnings you have sent me. Spread it around a little. Please.
1. Due to advanced arthritis, I had a total hip replacement in 1989
2. I was diagnosed a diabetic in 1990.
3. Because I couldn't figure out how to quit eating, I had a gastric by-pass in 2000.
4. During this procedure, they took out my appendix, as it was bad.
5. Also, they removed my gall bladder as it was fixin' to go.
6. In 2003, while reading the Sunday paper, I sat there and had a heart attack. As usual, I sat there hoping it would go away, and it did. You see a pattern here?
7. In 2003, while waiting on a operating room table for a major hernia operation, they did a heart scan and discovered heart damage from the heart attack I had ignored while reading the Sunday paper.
8. In 2003, while on the operating table to do an angioplastly to fix the damage from the first attack, I had a second heart attack. The tests revealed that I had lost about 45 per cent of my heart function.
9. Once in 2004 and once in 2005, I had to be taken to the hospital for vertigo and lighheadedness. They attribute this to the fact that I cannot eat right due to the gastric-bypass thing, and I have vitamin issues.
10. We can now add the mini-stroke incidents to this list.
If you have read this far, thank you. I don't deserve such loyalty.
If you are family and you have read this far, THANK YOU. I promise in the future that if I get a warning sign, I will instantly seek help.
Too "God". Ok, I get it. I haven't been the best person. As you know, I am trying to do better.
But please, Spread it around a little, ok?? I'm really getting tired....
